When I first started blogging back on Xanga, it was because it was a way for me to express myself freely to my friends without having to tell them. Now that I’m older, I feel like those days are starting to come back, except I feel that the number of people who actually read and write is just a small handful. It’s days like these where I wish I had friends who would reach out to me.
At this point in my life, I feel completely overwhelmed and it’s not because of personal issues, but it’s because of my responsibilities to everyone around me. I looked at my schedule and I realized that I just do not have any time for myself or for others around me. I try my best to schedule in some time for myself, but it’s literally impossible and I really do commend those who can balance out their schedules with 16 hour work and school days. I haven’t felt so overwhelmed in my life and the fact that I haven’t found the right balance between my professional, academic, and personal life, I feel that everyone and everything around me is affected. To top things off, I only realized this today.
I came to this realization when my grades for my midterms were posted and when my friend contacted me about this intern position in my department. Little did I know, it was the same exact position as me which is leading me to believe that I’m about to be replaced and that I’m not meeting everyone’s expectations because of the fact that I am not putting in enough time and I’m constantly making mistakes. It also has a lot to do with the fact that no one formally trained me and nobody is giving me the attention that I need to perform better. I’m literally a slave at work and I don’t know what to do about it. To make things worse, I am completely fucking up in school because I’m not spending enough time to study and absorb the material. While I do go to class and try my best to pay attention, I’m just completely drained and overwhelmed by the fact that I’m constantly switching work mode and school mode. I’m barely putting time into my Senior Design project and it’s due at the end of the quarter, not to mention I barely had any contribution to the project. It makes me feel like absolute shit that I can’t devote enough time into anything. Not to mention, I can barely devote any time to IEEE, which is my professional student club at school. People are asking me to do things and provide feedback, but I honestly can’t do shit. My personal life is also going down the drain because I can’t even allow myself to have fun without thinking of the consequences. Honestly, I don’t even know what to do anymore. I really just don’t have any time for myself.
If anyone ever reads this, I really could use some feedback. I honestly do not know what do with my life. I’m a Senior in college trying my hardest to graduate with an Electrical Engineering degree and I’m barely getting by right now. My stress level at work and school is so high that I just want to quit everything just so I can spend some time by myself.
I guess I just don't know who to talk to anymore. I'm officially on my own...
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